Memorable Movie Robots Part I

Welcome my friends to another edition of MONSTER BLOG POST! On this edition I’ll be talking about those memorable movie robots we’ve seen across the decades. I think I managed to mention one or two of the classics, like GORT from The Day the Earth Stood Still, mixed in with some more contemporary choices. Movies about robots got a weird thing about them; they tend to address very human issues! Take for example, Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, a robot that makes us appreciate being alive! Same can be said about Robocop…a robot that just can’t seem to forget or let go of the fact that he was once human and in love. Still, the fascination science fiction fans and movie lovers have with robots can be rooted back to one simple fact: robots are cool. And if you can't get enough of the robots on this article, then check out part 2, where we mention even more memorable movie robots! 

Film: The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Robot: GORT

Programmed to: Destroy all humans! An alien race considers humans to be a threat to planet earth and to other planets in the universe. If humans don’t learn to live in peace, then the aliens are left with no choice but to send GORT (the giant one eyed robot) to eradicate the human race!

Robotic Dialog: Gort doesn’t talk; he just blasts things away with his giant laser eye!

Films: Robocop Franchise

Robot: Robocop

Programmed to: #1 Serve the Public Trust, #2 Protect the Innocent, #3 Uphold the Law. There’s a fourth directive, which doesn’t allow him to harm anyone that belongs to the company that manufactured him. In the second film, his creators flood his programming with hundreds of useless directives which turns Robocop even more robotic, practically nullifying his human side. But he quickly fixes this by giving himself an electro shock, which erases all the useless directives and reprograms his brain. From their on in, he thinks for himself.

Robotic Dialog: “Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere, there is a crime happening.”

Film: The Black Hole (1979)

Robots: V.I.N.C.E.N.T., Bob, Maximilian and an assortment of other robots and drones

Programmed to: Run the spaceship known as ‘Cygnus’ which is hovering dangerously close to a gigantic black hole! Vincent and Bob are the two little robots that hover around the ship; they serve as comedic relief on the film, which was pretty dark for a Disney movie. Bob has an encyclopedic knowledge of catch phrases and historical facts stored in his hard drive. Maximilian, the gigantic red robot says nothing, but he is the most dangerous of the robots on the ship! Coolest part about this movie is that the entire ship is run by an entire assortment of different kinds of robots. Robots navigate the ship, robots serve as security force, robots serve as comic relief and so on, coolest robots of all have a mirror mask!

Robotic Dialog: “I don’t mean to sound superior, but I hate the company of robots!”

Film: Demon Seed (1977)

Robot: Proteus IV

Programmed to: solve all manner of problems for humanity. For example, the computers creator thinks that with Proteus IV, he will eventually find the cure for many of the world’s deceases, including Leukemia, the decease that killed his daughter. Problem comes when Proteus’s creator allows the program to run all the electrical appliances in his home. It is then that Proteus IV gets a closer look at its creators wife and thinks she’s a stone cold fox (which she is) and decides that it wants to impregnate a human female so he can become a physical being! Dont ask me how a computer program can impregnate a human female and actually concieve a baby...but it actually happens on this movie!  

Robotic Dialog: “I Proteus, posses the wisdom and ignorance of all men, but I can’t feel the sun on my face. My child will have that privilege.”

Film: Robocop Franchise

Robot: ED-209

Programmed to: Blow you out of existence if you don’t move your car from that handicapped zone! Basically, this is the robot that Robocop replaced. The main problem with ED-209 was that it had one too many “glitches” in its programming. For example, during an exhibition of its abilities at the OCP offices, ED-209 blew away an executive by mistake! And on top of that, ED-209 can’t even walk down a flight of stairs!

Robotic Dialog: “You are in direct violation of Penal Code 1.3, Section 9. I am now authorized to use physical force!”

Film: Metropolis (1927)

Robot: Evil Maria

Programmed to: Plant discord amongst the workers. You see, this robot has been made to resemble the real Maria, a woman who is the spiritual leader of the working class. The real Maria gives the exploited working class hope in the midst of all the poverty and despair. She is even spreading the idea of the working class and the upper class to come to an agreement so that everyone will be happy. But the ruling class of the city of Metropolis will haven none of that! So they send an “evil Maria” a robot that looks like the “good Maria” to plant discord amongst the workers, she riles them up and starts an uncontrollable violent revolution!

Film: Alien (1979)

Robot: Ash

Programmed to: function as a Science Officer on the spaceship Nostromo. When the crew of the Nostromo stumble upon an alien life form on an unknown planet they are forced to land on, Ash is ordered to return the alien lifeform to the Nostromo’s corporate employers, the company known as Wayland Yutani. He is to do this even at the expense of the crew who are considered expendable. But Ripley soon discovers this plot and knocks Ash’s head clean off with a fire extinguisher!

Robotic Dialog: “Bring back life form. Priority One. All other priorities, are rescinded.”

Film: Aliens (1986)

Robot: Bishop

Programmed to: function as an executive officer on the spaceship Sulaco. Unlike the android from the first movie, Bishop is not hostile toward the crew of the Sulaco. Actually, on more then one occasion Bishop actually saves the crew! When everyone is stranded on an abandoned military complex called LV-426, Bishop actually ends up risking his life in an attempt to bring down the second drop ship by remote control! And even though he is literally ripped apart by the Alien Queen, he still manages to save the little girl Newt from being whisked away into space! By the end of the film he is bagged and put to sleep for the journey back home.

Robotic Dialog: “Not bad for a…human”

Film: Return to Oz (1985)

Robot: Tik Tok

Programmed to: function as the only existing member of ‘The Royal Army of Oz’. It is Tik-Toks responsibility to protect the King of Oz, The Scarecrow. Unfortunately, The Scarecrow has been abducted by the Evil Gnome King and his accomplice, the head switching Queen Mombi. Only set back with Tik-Tok is that if you forget to wind him up, his might start thinking gibberish, or he might simply freeze up on ya. But when he is wound up, he works like a charm!

Robotic Dialog: “I have always valued my lifelessness”

Film: Flight of the Navigator (1985)

Robot: Trimaxian (Max for short)

Programmed to: travel the galaxy collecting biological specimens. After the specimens have been studied, they are taken back to their home planet at the same place and time from which they were taken. Unfortunately, the spaceship can travel at faster then light speeds, which causes the little earthling boy that the ship abducted to remain young when he should have aged 8 years! When the ship is about to make its way out of earth, it crashes on some powerlines, which erases the ships memory and its star charts! Fortunately, the aliens had stored the start charts in Davids Brain as an experiment to prove that humans only used 10% of their brain. So now all the information needed for Max to go back home is stored in the earthlings brain! Suddenly, David is “The Navigator”! If while watching the film, you feel as if the ships robot speaks like Pee-Wee Herman, it’s because it was voiced by Paul Reubens himself. It was also one of the first films (along with the original TRON and Young Sherlock Holmes) to ever use computer generated effects. 

Robotic Dialog: “Correction, I need the superior information in your inferior brain to fly this…thing”

Film: Short Circuit (1986)

Robot: SAINT #5, a.k.a. Johnny Five

Programming: Johnny 5 is a prototype robot proposed for Cold War use by the U.S. Military. Unfortunatly, an electrical storm causes SAINT #5 to become self aware. It wonders away from its creators and suddenly finds itself lost in the real world where he befriends a girl named Stephanie Speck. She helps Johnny 5 learn about the world, and pretty soon Johnny 5 comes to the conclusion that he is alive and wants to be free to live his life. Unfortunately, his creators don’t agree and are convinced that SAINT #5 has malfunctioned and they consider him to be dangerous to society, Johnny 5 is a military weapon after all.

Robotic Dialog: “Hey laser lips, your momma was a snow blower!”

Film: Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)

Robots: Good Robot Us’s, Evil Bill and Ted

Programming: The Good Robot Us’s were built by an alien named ‘Station’, whom Bill and Ted found while visiting heaven; you see the real Bill and Ted die at the beginning of the film! Chuck DeNomolos, an evil world ruler wannabe, constructed evil robot versions of Bill and Ted, to kill the real Bill and Ted, so he could become ruler of the world! Evil Bill and Ted actually succeed in killing the real Bill and Ted who end up going all around the afterlife! They visit heaven, hell and even play a game of Battleship with The Grim Reaper himself! While in heaven, Dead Bill and Ted search for the smartest being in the universe (the Martian named Station) so he could build their own robotic versions of themselves to go up against Evil Bill and Ted! The ending has Good Robots vs. Evil Robots in the middle of a Battle of the Bands concert! I hope that made sense!

Robotic Dialog: (After looking at a picture of the real Bill and Ted’s Girlfriends) Evil Ted says: “I got a full on Robot Chubby!”

Film: Saturn 3 (1980)

Robot: Hector

Programming: Hector is a new robot that has been programmed to assist Adam and Alex on their experiments aboard the Saturn 3, a laboratory hovering in space somewhere around the asteroid fields of Saturn. You see, these two scientists are conducting experiments by growing their own food in space. They are aided in their experiments by three robots. But then, the government decides its time to send Adam and Alex a new new robot and so they send them the ‘Assistant Demi-God Series’ robot named Hector. Unfortunately, Hector comes with a human named Benson (Keitel) a very psychologically unstable person and psychopathic killer! He reprograms Hector, who acquires his murderous tendencies. Will Alex and Adam survive the killer robot and the murderous human?

Robotic Dialog: “I am not malfunctioning, you are.”

Film: The Vindicator (1986)

Robot: Frankenstein

Programming: In this Canadian production, Carl Lehman is working for a top secret scientific company when an explosion in one of their laboratories practically kills him. Actually, for all intents and purposes, Carl died to the world in that explosion! BUT, the company took his brain and placed it in an indestructible robotic body that is part of a top secret weapons project. Now, Carl is trying to cope with the fact that he is no longer human. Wow, this film is so much like Robocop, it’s not even funny. Thing is, this film was released on year before Robocop! And it has the same basic story line and structure. The guy even tries to reconnect with his wife, same as Robocop did. He even looks like freaggin Robocop! But whatever, this movie came first. And if my memory serves me right, it was a pretty decent flick as well. The robot effects were done by none other than Stan Winston himself. It’s a crime this one never got a DVD release.

Robotic Dialog: “I don’t know who I am. I’m a monster. I can’t feel. I can’t love. I’m not human. You can’t love death.”

Film: Class of 1999 (1993)

Robot: Tactical Education Units

Programming: This semi-sequel to Class of 1984 takes place in a future where violence has gotten out of hand. In this film, going to school could mean loosing your life! Teachers are scared of their students! They have metal detectors at the schools entrance! But fear not! The school principal (Malcolm McDowell) has just acquired a new batch of teachers. These Tactical Education Units look and act human, but are they? Nope! These humanoids are programmed to act and behave like regular high school teachers, but if a student should get out of hand; these robots are programmed to use force in order to discipline any trouble makers out there! You don’t behave properly; one of these robots will literally sit you on their lap and whoop some sense into you. And if things really get out of hand, the female teacher has breast missiles! So behave!

Robotic Dialog: “I operate on a model of absolute zero tolerance!”

Film: Total Recall (1990)

Robot: Johnny Cab

Programming: Johnny Cab’s is a robotic cab driver. You tell him where you want to go and he will drive you there. Funny moment comes when Arnold tells him to “Drive! Drive!” because he is running away from the bad guys and the robot doesn’t understand the command, so Arnold just rips the robot out and drives the car himself! Legendary effects master Rob Bottin was in charge of most of the effects creations on this film, including Johnny Cab.

Robotic Dialog: “I’m not familiar with that address; would you please repeat the destination?”

Film: Judge Dredd (1995)

Robot: ABC Warrior

Programming: The ABC Warrior is an old combat robot that had been decommissioned. But, the films villain, an ex Judge named Rico (played by Armand Assante) re-activates it so that it can aid him in getting his sweet revenge on Judge Joseph Dredd (Stallone). I always thought this robot looked super cool and menacing, but in my opinion it was underused in the film. They should have done a huge action sequence with it, instead, the robot comes off as clunky, slow and not very menacing at all, except for its deep voice this robot didn’t represent much of a threat. A lot of people were disappointed by this movie, but to me it was a fun ride. Lots of action and effects! I do see its faults, but still, I have seen far worse films then this one. Looking forward to the upcoming reboot, I’m crossing my fingers hoping it won’t suck.

Robotic Dialog: “Warrrrrr”

Film: Robot Jox (1990)

Robot: These robots don’t even got names, their just referred to as Giant Robots.

Programming: A Robot Jox is the human that’s driving the giant robot. You see, in the film, warring factions don’t go and send millions of soldiers to die at war; they’d rather have two giant robots fighting it out. Whoever wins the battle, wins whatever political issue is in dispute. In this film, it’s the Americans vs. The Russians. And of course, the highlight of the film comes whenever we get to see two giant robots fighting. The giant robot effects were achieved through the use of stop motion animation and miniatures. This was a film that went through a lot of production woes, mainly because the company that was producing it (Charles Band’s Empire Pictures) was going bankrupt, and this was to be one of the last films they ever produced! But no worries, this company resurfaced as Full Moon Pictures which went on to produced a bunch of straight to dvd horror/sci-fi films like the Puppet Master movies. Robot Jox was directed by Stuart Gordon, a director that is better known for making gore fests like Re-Animator (1985) and From Beyond (1986). Gordon ended up directing another science fiction film along the line called Space Truckers (1996). Buttom line is, Robot Jox is a goofy movie. It’s kind of hard to figure out if it was a movie intended for children or for adults.

Robotic Dialog: Giant Robots don’t talk in this film, but the characters say some really cheesy lines like: “Crash and Burn!” and “You make my drink taste like blood”

Film: Spaceballs (1986)

Robot: Dot Matrix

Programming: Dot Matrix is programmed to protect Princess Vespa at all cost. She’s even programmed with a virgin alarm, in order to protect the Princess’s virginity! In one scene, Lonestar and Vespa get to close for comfort, and seconds later, Dot Matrix’s virgin alarm goes off separating the two horny individuals. This character was voiced by Joan Rivers.

Robotic Dialog: “That was my virgin alarm! It’s programmed to go off before you do!”

Film: Austin Powers Franchise

Robot: Fem Bot

Programming: Fem Bots are killer robots that work for Dr. Evil. They are deceitfully seductive with their beautiful sexy looks. The perfect weapon to use against Austin Powers, who’s primary concern is ‘shagging’. One scene has Austin Powers infiltrating Dr. Evil’s underground layer, only to be sidetracked by a room full of lingerie wearing Fem Bots! Special ability? Machine Gun Boobs! They try to seduce him, but they overload on Austin Powers own sexiness and explode!

Robotic Dialog: “Do you smoke after sex?” Austin Power’s answer: “I don’t know, I’ve never checked!”

ENJOYED THIS ARTICLE? WELL THEN CLICK ON THIS LINK TO READ PART 2!

Dark Star (1974)

Title: Dark Star (1974)

Director: John Carpenter

Writers: John Carpenter, Dan O’Bannon

Cast: Dan O’Bannon, Brian Narelle, Cal Kuniholm, Dre Pahich

Review:

Dark Star is fun to watch simply because it was John Carpenter’s training wheels as a director. Same as THX-1138 was for George Lucas and Sugarland Express was for Spielberg, Dark Star was John Carpenter’s student film. It evolved into a full length feature film thanks to producer Jack H. Harris, the guy who decided to put some money behind Carpenter and O’Bannon’s then unfinished student film. He decided to believe in this crazy bunch of filmmakers, he saw something there. So he financed a couple of extra scenes to expand the films running time so that it could be released theatrically. Watching films like these is a joy because it’s the equivalent of seeing baby pictures of an old friend whom you’ve known your whole life. I’ve been seeing John Carpenter films since I was a child, and watching Dark Star showed me a Carpenter who was a directorial infant, just getting started, fresh out of film school, but as future films would prove, with talent to spare.

Story concerns four guys who travel across the galaxy on their spaceship called Dark Star. Their job is to fly around the galaxy looking for unstable planets which are considered threats to future colonization. Once they find these unstable planets, their job is to blow them up with “exponential thermostellar bombs”. Unfortunately, when they are not blowing up unstable planets, they spend too much time completely bored out of their minds! So they play pranks on each other, catalog their journey on a ship’s log, stare at the universe for hours and hours and play dangerous games with the ships mascot, an alien that looks like a Killer Tomato/Beach ball. Seriously!

Essentially, this film came to be because a bunch of film school students wanted it to. You have to have a certain amount of balls in order to get this kind of film made. I mean, its no easy task to make something out of nothing and you could tell these guys had next to nothing when they were making this one! Still, these guys had the gravitas and they went ahead and made chicken salad out of chicken shit. Spacesuits were fashioned after toys, because said toys were used as miniatures for some scenes. The sets were extremely claustrophobic because some of them were made inside of closets….and the buttons on the spaceship were made out of overturned ice cube trays. Miniatures for the film were made out of re-fashioned model cars, and aliens were made out of repainted inflatable beach balls. So it’s that kind of a film where you can tell it was made on a shoestring budget. But what we can admire about this kind of film is that the guys behind it went out and did it none the less. I mean, anybody else would have said “no way, this can’t be done!” A sci-fi with no budget? But these guys had the ‘cojones’ to do it, so I salute them. Best part is that the film is actually watchable and entertaining.

The filmmakers behind this film came out of USC’s film department and at the time, the big story that came out of USC was how George Lucas had turned his student film THX-1138 into a full length feature film. This story excited the hell out of the rest of the student body in that film school, many of whom followed Lucas’s example and did the same thing. Amongst those that followed suit was John Carpenter, only difference being that Dark Star was a much smaller film than THX-1138 and it got very little exposure when it was first released on a limited amount of theaters. It was a bit misunderstood at the time, because it was marketed as a serious science fiction film, audiences werent expecting a comedy. I mean, one look at the films poster and you'd never get an idea that it was a comedy! But like all films of merit, Dark Star eventually found its audience and well, here we are still talking about it after all these years.

Can you spot the cup cake mold?

I’ll be honest, Dark Star is not the most exciting film ever made, but I guess that was the whole point. This movie is about as laid back as its main characters are laid back. This isn’t a movie about interstellar wars, with battalions of spaceships and big budget special effects. Nope, this film is the complete opposite, it’s so low key. It’s a movie about four bored guys flying through space. Four working class heroes, bored with their lives, bored with their jobs, with nothing better to do then talk amongst themselves, philosophizing, asking the big questions. You could say the film flies by without a heck of a lot happening except these four guys just passing the time. One look at these guys and you can tell that the actors (including Dan O’Bannon himself) were a bunch of hippies in real life; the kind that would rather just sit back and smoke a fat one, if you know what I mean. Carpenter himself would have fit in nicely in this crew of misfits characters had he decided to act on the film. Back then, he looked like a hippy himself. Actually he still looks like one if you ask me. Hurray for eternal hippies man! Hurray!

Excitement comes along when the ships alien mascot/killer tomato decides to take one of the crew members for a ride, hiding in the spaceship, playing games. It has been said that those scenes with the alien tomato mascot were the inspiration for Alien, which O’Bannon was responsible for writing, so that makes sense. The other exciting moment in Dark Star comes when one of the bombs that the guys use to blow up planets called ‘Bomb #20’ (wow these guys have blown up 19 planets before this one!!?) gets jammed and wont drop. Problem is that since the Bomb is essentially a thinking computer, it decides that it has to follow orders and blow up anyway, even though it’s still attached to the ship! How hippy is this movie? I’ll tell you how hippy: one of the crew members decides to philosophize his way out of this tight jam by convincing the computer about the existence of the universe. Ha! So this is a film made by true blue hippies, for true blue hippies. In fact, some have gone as far as calling this one “the last great hippy film”. Another trippy element that the film has is that it was inspired by 2001 (1969), obviously Carpenter and O'Bannon were huge Kubrick fans. There are a lot of elements here that come straight out of Kubricks film, like for example the use of classical music, trippy space traveling visuals and the use of an intelligent computer that turns on its crew members. The film also has elements from a couple of sci-fi novels, these guys obviosly loved Phillip K. Dick. So essentially, Carpenter and O'Bannon payed homage with this movie to everything they loved about science fiction, but in a funny, ireverrent way. This movie was fun times, and it goes to show just how much film is an illusion. If Carpenter and O’Bannon took a closet, a couple of ice trays, toys, car models and cup cake molds and made a science fiction film out of them and got said film released in theaters, what’s to stop you from achieving your dreams? Exactly!

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

Paul (2011)

Title: Paul (2011)

Director: Greg Mottola

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen (voice), Kristen Wiig, Sigourney Weaver, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader

Writers: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost

Review:

Paul is a film that has its main characters running away from religious fanatics and the government through out the whole film; so right from the start the film got off on a good foot for me. It is a film that comes to us from the mind of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, two British comedians whom we’ve seen working together before in films like Shaun of the Dead (2004) and Hot Fuzz (2007), hell, if we go even further back in their careers, they’ve been working together since ‘Spaced’ their British sci-fi sitcom. The success of their collaborations has assured us that we will be seeing a lot more of this comedic duo in the future. Up to now, the films that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have appeared on had all been directed by Edgar Right (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World) but Paul marks a departure from that norm, it was directed by one Greg Mottola, a director who is better known as the guy who brought us Superbad (2007) and the nostalgic homage to the 80’s Adventureland (2009). Paul is also a homage, but it’s a homage to science fiction films and geeks in general. It’s that kind of movie that attempts to capture what it is to be a man child/geekazoid. But aside from that, it also addresses one of the most controversial themes in history: religion, and what a bunch of baloney it is.

The film starts out with its two main characters Graeme (Pegg) and Clive (Frost). These two British guys have come to the United States to attend their beloved Comic Con, the world renowned comic book convention of legendary proportions. For those of you not in the know, Comic Con is the grand hoo ha for comic book geeks. It’s a gathering of science fiction and fantasy fans from around the world. It’s the one place where its 100% okay to let your geek flag fly high and proud. It’s the kind of place where you are liable to see Bruce Campbell and pay 20$ for a picture with him. So anyhow, as part of their trip, Graeme and Clive also plan on visiting a couple of sites that are considered important amongst UFO enthusiasts. One of these sites being the ever mysterious AREA 51. On their way there they stumble upon Paul, an actual alien who’s been imprisoned in AREA 51 ever since he crash landed on earth many years ago. But now, Paul has escaped AREA 51 and wants to go back to his home planet, and he wants Graeme and Clive to take him to the rendezvous point where he will be picked up by his alien buddies. Unfortunately, everyone is after Paul; even the F.B.I.!

What I loved the most about this movie was how blatantly anti-religious it is. It is not afraid to speak its mind and say its piece when it comes to its views on religion. In one scene, Paul the Alien reveals himself to Ruth a Christian girl. A girl who’s been raised by her religious fanatic of a dad her whole life. She starts the film out by saying things like “The world is 4,000 years old and can only be the product of intelligent design”, but as the film progresses Paul, Clive and Graeme make her see the light. You see, Paul has this ability to get into your mind and show you the “truths of the universe”. All he has to do is touch your forehead with his hand and in a flash of light it becomes clear that everything you believed to be true suddenly isn’t. It was all a bunch of horseshit. Religion isn’t even close to the truth of how things really are and sin was never a real thing. So suddenly, Ruth starts cursing like a sailor and wants to fornicate as much as she can and she even partakes in a bit of weed smoking. In other words, she’s finally learning to cut loose. After her ‘enlightenment’ when the guys ask Ruth if she’s hungry she replies with “You bet your big fat cock I am!” That whole angle of turning a Christian into a non-believer was interesting and made for some funny moments, made all the funnier because that’s exactly what happens when a Christian stops being a Christian. Suddenly, it’s a whole new world out there and it takes a while to get used to it.

The symbolisms in the film where interesting, for example when we first meet her, Ruth the Christian girl is blind from one eye. This is a symbol for her limited view of life due to her religious fanatism, but when Paul literally cures/restores her eyesight and shows her the truths about life, it is then that she is no longer blind in more ways then one. Now she is seeing the world with both of her eyes, religion and it’s often times unrealistic views of the world no longer blind her. She is free from the chains that held her. But as we soon discover her fanatical dad won’t let her be, and so she is chased through the whole movie by her dad who thinks that Paul is a demon that has kidnapped his daughter. This whole thing with her father bringing her up in religion and basically forcing her to see things the way he does is a comment on how many times, what we end up believing comes as a direct result of what our parents believe in. And sometimes, what our parents believe in isn’t necessarily the truth. Think about it, would you believe what you believe if your parents had not taught you those believes from childhood? So these are the themes this film plays with. Heavy stuff for a sci-fi comedy, but hey I applaud it for that, its not every day that a commercial film dares to address religious themes. Hell, this movie is so ballsy that it turns Paul into a Christ figure that can heal wounds, and bring back the dead. Kind of like E.T. did back in the day, when he had a penchant for resuscitating dead flowers.

But aside from the films anti-religious views it is also an extremely fun science fiction comedy. I would include it along side films like Galaxy Quest (1999), a comedy that totally got what Geeks are all about and what makes them laugh. Same can be said about Paul. The dialog is constantly referencing sci-fi movies, mainly films by Spielberg and George Lucas. When Paul asks Clive about the last time he got laid Clive replies “Collectormania, London ’08. Ewok chick. She was ‘Furry’ Nice!” Ha! Hilarious! This is the kind of comedy that Fanboys (2008) tried to be but failed for some reason, not so with Paul. It makes jokes of all those cliché’s we expect from alien movies, like aliens performing anal probes on humans, to which Paul replies “Why does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Harvesting Farts? How much can I learn from an ass?” As I said, if you are a geek, you will most certainly laugh.

The film also visually references E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You’ll see some scenes in Paul that will bring back scenes from both of these films, I mean, literally copy pasted certain moments from both of these films. Basically, they are kissing Spielbergs ass with this movie. So much so that the man himself makes a cameo in a flashback in which Paul is giving him the plot outline for E.T! I’d say that Paul is a funny dirtier version of E.T. It plays with the same basic storyline about an alien crashlanding on earth and how the government will stop at nothing to capture the fugitive alien in order to study and dissect its brain. Not surprisingly, the film ends with the proverbial aliens coming to pick up their stranded buddy. Nothing groundbreaking there in terms of plot, the only difference between the two films is all the dirty jokes, the foul mouthed dialog and the anti-religious themes. Imagine E.T. smoking weed and making anal probe jokes and you’ll get an idea of what to expect from Paul. So anyways, this was a fun time at the movies, laughed all the way.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Sucker Punch (2011)

Title: Sucker Punch (2011)

Director/Writer: Zack Snyder

Cast: Emily Browning, Jena Malone, Carla Gugino, Scott Glenn

Review:

Zack Snyder is one of those directors whose films I always look forward to because so far, he’s directed a pretty decent bunch of films: Dawn of the Dead (2004), 300 (2007), Watchmen (2009). I haven’t seen Legend of the Guardians yet, so the verdict is still out on that one. Recently, Snyder was chosen out of a short list of filmmakers to direct the upcoming Superman: Man of Steel. So of course I was pumped up for Sucker Punch. The previews, pictures and posters all gave us a glimpse of what looked like a visually striking motion picture filled with fantasy and beautiful women. From the promotional material we all saw, Sucker Punch was destined to be the type of film that was tailor made for the fanboy in all of us. So, with that said, why was I so let down? Read on and find out.

Sucker Punch tells the tail of Babydoll, a 16 year old girl who’s just been sent to the Lennox House for the Mentally Insane. You see, her scum bucket of a stepfather wants her lobotomized, to hide the truth behind the death of Babydoll’s mother and sister. Also, so she can’t get her hands on her recently deceased mother’s fortune. The mental institution isn’t a pretty place, young girls like Babydoll are liable to get raped or killed in a place like this. Good thing Babydoll has one hell of an imagination. Whenever things get too ugly in the Lennox House, Babydoll closes her eyes and escapes to a series of imaginary worlds that include fighting Giant Samurais, Fire Breathing Dragons, Orcs, Robots and even Nazi Zombies! Sounds like one hell of a kick ass movie don’t it?

Well, it was and it wasn’t. I’m not going to say that Sucker Punch was a complete waste of my time. Visually, the film kicks ass on more then one occasion, it’s as a whole that the movie just doesn’t gel. I get what Snyder was trying to do. He was going with the old “young girl escapes into an imaginary world” type of film. Sucker Punch wants to be mentioned along side films like The Wizard of Oz (1939), Return to Oz (1985), Pans Labyrinth (2006), Labyrinth (1986), Mirrormask (2005) or the many versions of Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately, unlike these movies I’ve just mentioned, Sucker Punch didn’t have characters we can care about. All we get are cool looking special effects and action sequences, which I loved and enjoyed; but let’s face it, if you don’t accompany special effects with an engaging story and characters we can give a damn about, then what’s the point? Then all you have is a film that will play like a hollow showcase of visual effects, which is for all intents and purposes exactly what Sucker Punch is. A hollow spectacle. Then there’s the whole issue of this being a CGI fest, where nothing feels real or tangible, but that would make for a whole other article.

Watching Sucker Punch is like watching a movie on fast forward, with no time for character development or emotion. And that’s the films main flaw in my book. Sucker Punch is in such a rush to show you its 75 million dollar special effects and action sequences that it forgets we need to know who these gals are in order to give a hoot about them. How desperate is this film? Well, here’s an example: in the film, Babydoll is supposed to have these amazing dancing abilities. Whenever she starts dancing, people are hypnotized by her moves. Everyone has to stop what they are doing to be enthralled by Babydolls dancing. At the same time, whenever she starts dancing, that’s when we (the audience) are whisked away to special effects land, I mean, Babydoll’s dream worlds. Here’s the strange thing though: we never get to see what the big fuzz is about her dancing! In fact, we never get to see her dancing at all! And her dancing is supposed to be this big element of the plot! What the hell?! But like I said, the film is in a hurry. I personally hated that about it. Snyder might be a good director when his films are based on someone else’s script or on a graphic novel, but when it comes down to writing and directing a film based on his own ideas, apparently he has no grip on the importance of story telling or of development and emotion.

Here’s another thing, Sucker Punch attempts to be a deep film. It has a character played by Scott Glenn that is supposed to be a god like character that’s always giving the girls advice and hints on how to survive, just who the hell is that guy? And why does he pop up through out the whole movie? It’s never explored or explained, we just gots to take for granted that this is some nice guy that has taken a liking with these girls. Some critics have gone on to say that the film is misogynistic; others say it’s a female empowerment film. I say the film is none of those, its simply a fanboy’s wet dream. Any lover of Japanese animation, manga or comics in general should get what Snyder was trying to accomplish with this film. Comics and fantasy art have always been about scantly clad babes kicking ass, so it’s no big shock to me when I see these girls fighting giant samurai’s in mini skirts and school uniforms, its all part of what makes up the world of a fanboy. The reason for comics being all about bodacious babes is because the target audience for comics and films based on them are the hyper active libidos of teenage boys, this is the same target audience Sucker Punch is going for and this is probably the main reason why the film is rated PG-13. If I had to compare Sucker Punch to something, it would be to an issue of Heavy Metal Magazine. Don’t know if any of you guys and gals out there are familiar with said magazine, but on a monthly basis, this magazine pumps out issues filled with some of the best and some of the worst fantasy art and stories around. Sometimes the stories and art are groundbreaking stuff, sometimes its amateurish, on any given month, an issue of Heavy Metal Magazine is a mixed bag. But you can be sure beautiful women and erotica are in the mix. Same can be said for Sucker Punch. Some of it is great (the fx) some of it is not (the script and the storytelling).

Finally, Sucker Punch is a filmed that’s influenced by many others of its ilk. For example, this is a story about a girl who escapes to a dreamland, and on one of these dreamworld’s she ends up fighting giant samurais. Sounds a heck of a lot like a scene from Terry Gilliam’s Brazil (1985) to me. It’s got the dream, within a dream, within a dream thing from Inception (2010). There’s a scene where Babydoll ends up in a dreamworld fighting what can only be described as Orc’s from Lord of the Rings. Hell, the whole film looks like something Tim Burton might have cooked up on a Saturday morning after watching too many Japanese cartoons. So anyways boys and girls, this film wasn’t a total waste, but its nothing to write home about either. I left the theater feeling very underwhelmed, like I had just watched a film that bounced off my brain never to be seen again. I say that with a heavy heart, because I was actually looking forward to this one. Still, every director is entitled a dud, I guess this was Zack Snyder’s turn.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5